


To Protect and Serve

by CastielDreemurr (DarkKnightDan)



Series: When the World Stopped Turning [1]
Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: AU-Guns, Blossoming relationship, Complete, F/M, Finished, Police, Relstionship Issues, SWAT, part of a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 12:32:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7758001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkKnightDan/pseuds/CastielDreemurr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Our lives always change when we least expect it. For Nick Wilde, things suddenly become a roller coaster when Judy hits him with a line drive right out of left field.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When the shrill hi-tone that only my cellphone could create bleated through the silence of my room, I thought that it must be time for me to wake up. A quick glance at the clock showed me otherwise, and made me question who in the world would be calling at one in the morning?  
Probably Finnick, probably needs money, that's all I thought to myself as I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the phone, putting it up to my ear with a drowsy greeting.  
I had expected Finnick to start yelling in my ear about how a deal had gone wrong, or how somebody had screwed him, the usual. Instead, it was Judy's voice which broke over the line. When I say broke, I mean broke, it sounded like she had been crying for quite awhile.  
At first, I was seriously worried about what was wrong, but then Judy explained that she'd had a nightmare. By this point, I had already been pulling my shoes on, ready to run the dozen blocks to her apartment. However, when she informed me that it was just her imagination that had her so distraught, I relaxed.  
"So, what was it about?"  
"The nightmare?"  
"No, the last episode of Inspector Flatfoot." I quipped "yes, the nightmare."  
Judy explained that it wasn't something that she had ever seen happen before, but it was more about the fact that it could happen. With a start like that, how could I resist asking for more information.  
There had been a fire, Judy said, in her apartment building. By the time her alarm had gone off it had already spread a decent ways, and she found herself unable to get down the stairs, as the flames were already consuming the bottom floor.  
Being the quick thinker I knew she was, Judy reasoned that she could just go out the window. Being the people lover that I also knew she was, Judy was determined to ensure that everyone else was out of the building before she made it out.  
The next part sounded like a typical action movie. She apparently went around the whole building, making sure people got out of the building. However, things got a bit darker toward the end of her story. Apparently, Judy went into one of the apartments, and found a little bunny unconscious. By the time she got outside with him, Judy realized that he died.  
"Oh...Judy, I'm so sorry but....I mean, it's not your fault. Even if that happens in real life, you saved a lot of people, and the fire department should've helped."  
"I know Nick, but it's just, seeing a little bunny die like that, that hit me hard especially with......" Judy paused, causing me to cock a brow "especially having brothers that age...it just got to me."  
"Yeah, sounds like it would." I said, though I didn't entirely believe that explanation. There were two different kinds of pauses, a pause for pain, and a pause for lies. Judy's pause was exactly what I knew as a pause for lies, way too long to just be one where you're trying to muster up words.   
"Nick, could I talk to you at the station tomorrow, during break?"  
"I mean, couldn't you just tell me what you needed to now?"   
"I'd rather talk to you in person, please?" I groaned.  
"Alright, but you're buying lunch." I asserted, causing Judy to chuckle quietly.  
"Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you then, Nick." I returned her goodbye, and then smacked my phone back down onto the nightstand.   
"Bunnies...so emotional..." I muttered as I laid back down, pulling my blankets up to my chin. I wondered what Judy wanted to talk about, even as I drifted off to sleep.


	2. Target on my Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story was marked as complete, and I have no idea why, as I tried to mark it as having multiple chapters a variety of times. Doesn't really matter I guess, because here is the new chapter.

Coming into the station the next morning, I couldn't help but feel a little bit of apprehension. Judy had never just asked to talk like this, our conversations tended to flow freely.  
Something about this situation told me that freedom wasn't something I would have for much longer. Had she found out about me still doing some hustles with Finnick on the side? Had someone snitched about the drag races that I sometimes got into? I certainly hoped not.  
Unlike most days at the station, it didn't seem like time could go by slow enough. In most situations, I would've been grateful for that. Not today, though. I could feel my nerves building as the clock blazed towards my break time like someone had put time on overdrive.  
When I glanced up for possibly the thousandth time that day, the clock showed that noon had rolled around. It was time for me to meet Judy so that we could go to lunch, and have our discussion. It was strange how badly this was getting to me, I thought I was more or less invulnerable to these kinds of nerves.  
By the time I got outside, Judy was already standing there with her arms crossed and her foot rapidly thumping against the pavement. That was a telling sign that I had messed up.  
"Hey." I greeted, and Judy suddenly stopped her thumping, looking up at me from where she had been staring at the pavement, as though her gaze would drill a hole through the cement.   
"Hey." Judy replied. The joy that usually decorated her voice was strangely vacant, instead replaced by a monotone that I had never heard from her before.  
I wanted to ask her what exactly was wrong, but decided it would be better to wait until we got to our usual restaurant. So, Judy and I walked side by side without a word. This voiceless journey was one that we often took, though usually with more discussion.   
By the time we made it to our usual place, the knot in my stomach had strangled my appetite. So, I told Judy that she could go ahead and order, I would get us a table. Again, Judy didn't say anything. Instead, she just nodded.  
I wandered over to a table, sliding into the booth while I waited for Judy to get her food. With a sign, I put my head in my hands, running my paws over my head, smoothing my ears back and letting them spring forward.   
Judy came over after a few minutes, a salad on the tray the restaurant supplied. While Judy ate, I gazed out the window silently. I got the feeling that she wanted to say something, but I couldn't muster up the words to say.  
"Nick....we have to talk sooner or later." Judy eventually broke the silence, causing me to turn back to her. The expression on her face made me want to turn tail and run back to the station, where I would hopefully have an assignment waiting.   
Despite that urge, I managed to stay to stay in my seat.   
"Alright," I acknowledged "what is it that you need to talk about?" I leant forward, arms crossed on the table, and did my best to maintain my usual facade. Judy looked down at her unfinished food, pushed it aside, and then looked back up at me.  
"Nick....I'm pregnant." Judy informed me in a voice just above a whisper, but for me that was still too loud. I had suspected that this was what the whole deal was about, but I had hoped I was wrong. Judy waited for my reaction, but I couldn't bring words to my tongue.   
"Please, say something." Judy urged me as I searched the blank void of my mind for any semblance of reason. What could I say? I was scared, like insanely, and nervous. I knew that wasn't what Judy wanted to hear though, so I went with the first thing I could think of.  
"Congratulations." I had hoped that would do something for Judy's rapidly decaying mood, but instead of smiling, her expression turned to one of anger. Definitely not the reaction I had been hoping for.  
"Is that all you have to say!?" Judy snapped at me, her voice almost cracking from how hard she had to try in order to keep from yelling. Again, I didn't have anything that sounded good.  
"Uh....no?" Despite that assertion, silence then reigned between us. Frustrated by this, Judy got up and stormed out of the restaurant. Now wanting her to go back to work this way, I pursued.   
"Judy." I started as I caught up with her, but she turned on me. Her gaze cut through me like a pair of violet knives.  
"You listen to me Nick Wilde." She commanded, jabbing a finger into my chest. "I have been carrying this...my....our child for the past two weeks, worrying about how in the world I was going to tell you. Do you know why?" I didn't have a moment to guess before Judy continued her rant. "Because I knew that you would react this way, because you're so afraid of commitment. We've been together for almost two years and we're still 'going out'. We aren't even living together!" Tears suddenly rose in Judy's eyes, and I stepped forward to try and embrace her, but she pushed me away.  
"Don't touch me Nick....just....just leave me alone until you're ready to help me with our kit." With that, Judy turned and stormed off, her paws clenched into fists and tears streaming down her face.  
Out of all of the times I had messed up, this was definitely one of my biggest mistakes.


	3. Stepping Up

Would I like to say that I went straight to Judy's after work in order to apologize? Yes, I would. What that be lying? Also yes. In reality, it took me about a week to take my tail out from between my legs and get to Judy's apartment. 

When I got to her door, one that I had stood in front of dozens of times already, I raised my fist to knock. I kept it frozen there, though, as thoughts raced through my head.

What if Judy didn't want me to help her with our kit anymore? What if she wanted me to leave her alone even if I was ready to help her? What if she told me she hated me? Oh, that last one really stung. So, my paw hovered in front of the wood for a few moments, until I rapped on the door twice.  
Almost like she had been expecting my arrival, Judy opened the door almost instantly. Despite it being fairly early in the night, she was wearing a loose t-shirt, one of mine, as though she had been in bed. Her expression betrayed no emotion, and her eyes held no light.

"What do you want?" She asked, saying it like I was some old enemy that had come back asking her for a favor. Was that what I had become to her at this point? I certainly hoped not.

"I wanted to apologize." I responded coolly, and Judy leant against the doorframe as she studied my expression, but she didn't speak, so I continued.

"I know, I reacted really poorly, and I was a complete bastard for how I did. I should've been more supportive, should've offered more help, but I was scared. I don't have the slightest clue how to take care of kits, and I'm still afraid that I'll find a way to massively fuck up. The only thing is that if I fuck up with you there, then I know you can fix it. It's not just that though, this week without speaking to you has killed me, Carrots. I've barely eaten, I haven't slept, and I know that I can't do that forever. Without you, everything feels wrong. That's why I don't want to lose you, never again." Judy's expression had changed now, softening while a small smile crept up her features. 

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you too." Judy whispered, stepping out of the door frame. I drew her into a gentle embrace as a smile split my own expression.

"I love you" I whispered.

"I love you too." Came the reply. Four words are never sounded so sweet to me. We stood there for a moment, locked in our embrace, until Judy leant back and looked up at me.

"I uh, have been thinking of names." She said with a nervous smile, which caused me to chuckle slightly as we went back into her apartment, shutting the door as we went.

"Yeah? What names?" I asked as Judy led me over to her bed, where we sat side by side. Instead of telling me, Judy picked up a small notepad from beside her bed, holding it out for me. I saw that there was a long list of names on either side of the paper, under either the boy or girl column. I wondered what the names Judy had crossed out were, but she had scribbled them out well enough that I couldn't recognize any of the letters. Under the boy column the name Jason was circled, while Amy was circled in the girl column.

"What do you think?" Judy asked with a grin.

"They're both great." I replied honestly. 

If I were to be honest, the idea of me being a dad was still messing with me, but over the week I had grown more accepting of it. Maybe by the time that our kid was born I would be ready. Which reminded me.

"How long do you have left in your pregnancy?" I asked and Judy looked up at me, then back down at the pad, biting her lip as she did. She put one of her paws on her slightly bulging stomach and sighed.

"About a month....I know that's really fast but.....I don't know. Why?"

"Well, this place is tiny, Carrots. You could move in with me if you'd like." Judy raised a brow.

"Are you sure?"

"Sure I'm sure. You're carrying my kit, I won't have you living in a matchbox, especially not with my extra money coming in soon." The mention of my extra police work bought a nervous expression to Judy's face.

"You're still going to do SWAT work?" She questioned, and I nodded.

"Bogo already had me go through all the training, and all the extra money has been divided between my pay checks. I have to stay on the squad for at least a year." Judy sighed, looking away.

"You know I'm going to worry about you, right?"

"I don't see why. I'm doing sniper work most of the time, Carrots. I'll be far away from the majority of the fighting....most of the time." Judy just nodded in response and I sighed, putting an arm around her waist.

"Hey, uh, Carrots. I have something that I've been meaning to ask you, I've just been too much of a jerk to do it." Judy turned to face me then, confusion written plainly across her face.

"I uh.....I don't have a ring yet, what with money being kind of tight, but I want to ask you anyway." I moved off of the bed, got on one knee in front of Judy, and took her paw in mine.

"Judy Hopps, will you marry me?" I asked, and Judy's face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Yes!" She exclaimed, jumping off of the bed and wrapping her legs around my waist while her arms went around my neck, effectively knocking me back onto the floor as I laughed.

"Easy." I requested before Judy cut me off with a kiss. I had probably missed this almost as bad as I had missed her smile. The way her body fit against mine when I held her close, the scent of her soap teasing at my nostrils, our lips dancing over each other. 

That long awaited moment was broken up soon though, and Judy just leant her head against my chest.

By the smile on my face, you would've thought I'd just come back alive from a suicide mission.


	4. Situation

I stood in the circle of SWAT officers, the assault rifle that I had been given for this specific mission hanging off of my neck, though I held it up with one paw as I looked down at the map that Bogo had drawn up for us.

"Right, I'm sure you all know what we're dealing with by now. There are half a dozen hostages on the first floor, along with another dozen scattered throughout the building. The six on bottom are heavily guarded, which has led us to believe that the others are only being maintained by one or two hostiles. You are going to infiltrate the top floors in teams of three while we keep watch on the bottom floor. All of you be warned, if there is a breach of stealth from any of your teams, then the hostages on the bottom floor will die." 

That last part worried me. In my few weeks on the SWAT team I had dealt with a couple of small hostage situations, but never something like this. We had always had it pretty easy on the other missions, one shot and it was over. With this....I didn't know how to handle it exactly.

"Wilde, you're with Wofford and Claudius." I nodded to the two timber wolves on the other side of the table as Chief Bogo paired everyone else up. Once that was done with, he explained who would be going in where, and how we were going to infiltrate.

The basic idea was to get onto the roof by extending a ladder across the small gap that ran between the target building and one next to it that stood at the same height. From there we would move down through the building until reaching the bottom. At that point, the Officers outside would act as though they were giving in to the demands of the criminals, ensuring that they let their guard down before giving us the signal to go.

So, I followed my team as we went up the stairs of the neighboring building, where some of the other officers were setting up the ladder to let us across. When we got to the roof the first thing that hit me was the chilled breeze, and then the sounds of the sirens and bullhorns below us as officers called out orders and spoke with the hostage takers. The ladder that we were meant to go across had basically just been deployed, and now stood waiting over the expanse between the two buildings.

"Mind the gap." Claudius said as he went across the ladder, followed by Wofford, and then myself. The rest of our team followed behind us as we made sure that the roof was completely secure. 

Once the whole team was across, we started to make our way down the stairs, two teams peeling off on either floor and going separate ways down the hallways that spanned the length of the building. My team and I split off on the fifth floor, being one of the last teams to move off into our assigned area. 

Claudius took point with his Remington 870 while Wofford and I followed with MP5 sub machine guns. We went from room to room, breaching as quietly as possible to ensure that we weren't discovered. Oddly enough, we didn't find any hostages or criminals by the time we reached the end of the hall. We didn't radio in, as we didn't want to blow the cover of our squad mates. Instead, we hastily made our way back to the stairs case, moving down to the third floor. The last team should have already cleared the fourth floor, or should have been in the process of clearing it, so we thought that this was the best plan of action.

Turns out, the third floor had already been secured, along with the second. There had only been two small firefights, and, fortunately, all of the hostages were secure on the roof, moving back across with one of the teams. Now, we radioed in to the officers outside that we were on the second floor, ready to move in on the bottom floor.

I heard Bogo's voice over the radio, confirming that the next phase of the mission would be set into motion within the next minute, and that he would give us the command to move in. 

With that in mind, my team and I waited in that dark stairway, wondering when our order would come. We could hear the sound of an officer's amplified voice, but couldn't quite make out what it was saying from the sound of the hostages and criminals on the other side of the wall. None of us dared to make a sound, petrified by the thought that any of us moving a single muscle could spell death for the citizens in the next room. 

I checked my weapon while we waited, making sure that I was full on ammo, and making sure that I had extra magazines in the pocket of my bulletproof vest. These were all things that I had checked beforehand, but I just wanted to be sure at this point. 

Suddenly, I heard Bogo's voice over the radio giving us the go ahead. What happened next is all a blur in my memory. Claudius went through the door, followed by Grizwald, both carrying shotguns. The rest of us filed through behind them with our weapons ready. Enemy fire hit us almost instantly. I felt a round slam into the front of my vest, sending me back onto the floor with the force of a punch. Thankfully, the round didn't penetrate. So, I managed to stand and continue the firefight, moving from cover to cover and ensuring that civilians were safe. 

It was in the middle of this that I noticed a hostage behind cover, but dangerously close to one of the criminals. Throwing caution to the wind, I rushed forward and slid behind the small wall that the woman was ducked behind. Acting quickly, and stupidly, I tore my body armor off and put it over her head. I figured that the civilian's safety was more important than mine.

With the hostage secure, I stood and took a couple of pot shots at two of the criminals close to the other side of the store, some members of my team supported my offense with their own fire. 

Then, from the side of the store I wasn't watching, I heard the pop of a gunshot followed by blinding pain that sent me to the floor, holding my side where I had felt the bullet pierce me. There were instant calls of 'Nick's down!' and 'get a medic' while I lay on the floor, watching blood seep out between my fingers from the wound in my side. 

Thankfully, my team managed to finish off what remained of the opposing force within a short amount of time. Claudius rushed over to me to help, but I insisted that the hostages be secured first as I pushed myself to my feet, using the wall as a support. He informed me that they were secure, and that I was the one in need of medical attention. So, Grizwald came over and scooped me up, carrying me out of the building much to my protest.

I was thrown into an ambulance, and even as I could feel myself losing consciousness I protested about the whole situation. I insisted that I was fine, up until the moment I faded out into black.


	5. A New Arrival

When I woke up the first thing that registered with me was the pain in my side, that, along with the recognizable pressure of a tightly wrapped bandage. The next thing I recognized was the heavy scent of disinfectant that often accompanied a hospital. At the realization that I was in a hospital bed I sighed, putting my hand over my face.

"Oh come on." I muttered, knowing exactly why I was in the bed. "It wasn't even that bad." I said to no one in particular. When I realized that I was alone in the room, I slowly sat up, bracing myself with the bars so that I could sit up easier. It didn't hurt terribly, but there was a definitive sting as I sat up. 

The first thing I wondered was where the nurse was, usually they were always in the hospital rooms when Judy and I had to talk to potential victims. My second thought was of where Judy was. I had kind of expected her to be here when I woke up, but if she had been here there was no sign to indicate that.

I glanced around my plain white room, seeing if any of my things were here. Thankfully, it seemed that someone had been thoughtful enough to bring my phone to the hospital for me. I picked the phone up, and checked the time. From the slight light that permeated the darkness outside I estimated that it was probably around three or four in the morning, but I couldn't be sure.

When I opened my phone, I saw that I had a message from Clawhauser, and a strange one at that. It simply read "text me when you wake up." Not wanting to try the patience of my jolly friend, I did just that. After sending the message, I wanted a few minutes for reply, but got none. I guess that made sense, what with the time and all. 

However, what didn't make sense was when Clawhauser burst through my door, panting and wheezing as he did. 

"Woah, hey buddy." I greeted "you doing alright?" Clawhauser grabbed a hold of the railing of my hospital bed, holding up a finger as he gasped to regain his breath. While he did, I sat there with a slightly amused smile. Eventually, it seemed as though Clawhauser had regained his breath enough to speak, and so I gestured for him to go on.

"Judy's having the baby." He informed me and it felt like my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach.

"Move." I ordered Clawhauser, who nodded and stepped back while I pushed myself to my feet, pulling out the IV and disconnecting the heart monitor, which began to blare erratically. 

"Nick, that's going to get us in trouble." Clawhauser protested, but I ignored him as I walked to the door, holding onto my side as I did so. When I went through a pair of nurses were already standing outside. One of them began to order me back to my bed, but I held up a finger as I put my hand on the door.

"Look, my fiancé is giving birth." I explained "I know that it is extremely dumb for me to be up, and I know that you should probably be forcing me back to my bed right now but, please, let me see my kid being born." I plead. The two nurses looked at each other, and the wolf that had started to order me back into the room nodded.

"Lead the way." I told Clawhauser, who moved ahead of me to guide me to Judy's room. I couldn't believe that this was possibly happening, it seemed like just yesterday I had been finding out about Judy's pregnancy. Now, I was going to be a dad. Like, not future tense, present tense. 

When I managed to get to Judy's room, I pushed the door open and walked in with my slight limp. I suddenly became aware that I wasn't wearing a shirt, but thankfully someone had been kind enough to leave my pants on me, they had just removed the pieces of body armor I had been wearing on my legs.

Judy was lying in the bed, her face contorted in obvious pain. I moved to her side as fast as I could and took her hand in mine. At this, her eyes opened and met mine, causing a smile to slowly spread across her face.

"You scared me." She said between breaths, and I returned her smile. 

"Well, I can't let you get comfortable, can I?" I joked and Judy offered a pained smile for my efforts. 

Then, that smile disappeared as Judy shut her eyes and grit her teeth. At the same time, she squeezed my hand, hard. I bit my own lip to resist saying something, and succeeded. Judy's grip lessened after a moment, and her face relaxed.

"We're going to be parents." Judy whispered and I smiled.

"Yeah, we are." I agreed before a Doctor came in. I could tell by the face that he made, he wondered why a heavily bandaged fox was in the room with a pregnant bunny. I shot him back a look that told him not to ask. Wordlessly, the Doctor came over and started talking to Judy, explaining things to her that I didn't understand. Maybe I should've gone to more of those preparing to be a parent meeting that Judy had gone to while I was at work. Then again, maybe I shouldn't have.

After the Doctor came in, everything was a blur for me. I distinctly remember the fact that Judy almost broke my hand, multiple times, and the pained expression on her face. It tore me apart to see her like that, but we both knew what would come at the end of it. That, and Judy was tough, she knew she could get through it. 

What I remember most of all, though, is the sound that my son made when he entered the world. It may have been crying, hell, he may have been screaming at the top of his lungs like a bat out of hell, but he sounded like an angel to me.

Before they went to clean him, the doctors declared that our baby was a boy and handed him briefly to Judy. I could see from moment one that he took after me, in the manner of species, at least. He had silver, and his ears were a bit long, but he was a fox if I had ever seen one.

After they cleaned him, the Doctors bought our son back, wrapped in a light blue blanket. One of them gently set him in Judy's arms, and I couldn't help but grin when I saw him. For a moment, Judy just stared at our like she couldn't quite believe he was real, before looking up at me with tiny tears in her eyes.

"He's so beautiful." Judy whispered and I smiled down at her.

"Yeah, I would say he takes after me but, I wouldn't want to teach him lying this early." Judy managed to get out a chuckle at that, but I could see that she was tired and in pain. 

"Do you want to hold him?" Judy asked after a few moments, and I nodded. I held out my arms and Judy gently put our son there. I held him close and looked down on him with a goofy grin on my face, one that would look out of place anywhere but right now.

Unfortunately, the sanctity of the moment was ruined when Judy's parents came in, along with Clawhauser, who seemed like he had been bouncing with excitement outside from the way he was short of breath.

What ensued was a short game of pass my son around,all under my supervision of course. Finally, after giving Clawhauser a few moments of holding my son; I handed Jason back to Judy, who smiled tiredly. Judy looked like she was going to clock out any second now, and I couldn't blame her.

Judy's father informed my fiancé that he would call the nurse if Judy wanted to sleep, that they could move Jason to the nursery until she woke up. Judy denied that request though, opting to hold our son close to her chest like he was the most precious treasure in the world. I would have held him the same way. I couldn't deny that fear still lingered in me about raising Jason, but I knew from the moment I laid eyes on my son that I would protect him at any cost. 

Eventually, Judy did relinquish our son to the nurses, but not before giving him a kiss on the head and asking that they take great care of him. After they assured Judy that Jason would be fine, she almost instantly passed out, her head tilting forward as her eyes closed. I, being the gentleman that I am, gently pulled the covers up to cover Judy better as everyone else filed out of the room. Unlike them, though, I sat down next to Judy's bed, stretched across a chair like it was a couch. I would wait here, until she woke up. Well, that's a lie, I was going to go to the nursery to check on Jason frequently, but when Judy woke up I would be here, I was going to make certain of that.


	6. A Year

That first year of Jason's life probably went by faster than any other year of my life. I mean, a lot happened. First off, Judy and I got married when she had recovered from the stress of giving birth. It wasn't a big event though, mostly Judy's family. My mother was there, of course, along with Bogo and Clawhauser, and some of the guys from the SWAT team. All in all, there were probably only about fifteen guests not counting Judy's family, because y'know, rabbits. 

Like I said, there wasn't much to say about that event. Judy and I had already declared our undying love for each other a multitude of times. I mean, we also had a living symbol of our love in the house all the time. 

Speaking of Jason, I would like to go on record saying that he was completely unfair when he chose whether to favor Judy or me. I'm not saying that from the losing point either, Jason absolutely adored me. Judy always said that when I stepped out the door to go to work he would fuss until I came home and we traded off. 

I would've liked it if Judy and I hadn't had to do that system, but Judy didn't want to give Jason to a sitter until he was at least a year old. I don't know why, and when I questioned Judy about it she just said it was something that her family believed in. I didn't question Judy any further on the issue, I just went along with it. Fortunately, Bogo was pretty good about giving us the same days off during the week, so there would generally be three days when we were just home around the clock.

I'm not ashamed to say that the majority of that time was spent with Jason. Of course, Judy wouldn't have it any other way. I don't know how I didn't get tired of spending time with him. It was just like how I got when it came to spending time with Judy, just more so.

When Jason was about six months old he was crawling. I remember that seemed to open up a hole new world of worry for Judy, she was afraid that he would crawl off into some part of the apartment and get hurt when we weren't looking. Of course, I assured her that I could keep an eye on a baby who couldn't crawl faster than a sloth.

Judy had to admit defeat on that one.  
A few weeks later Jason said his first word. I remember that I had just got done with a drug bust, and when I came home I was amazingly tired. I had hoped to come home, talk to Judy for a couple of hours before she left for work, and then put Jason down for a nap while I slept. 

However, when I opened the door Judy came bounding up to me like a child with Jason in her arms, who seemed very annoyed with his current situation if I might add. Judy was exclaiming that Jason had said his first word, but due to my exhaustion that fact took a moment to register. Once it did, I asked Judy what he had said. In response, Judy looked down at Jason and asked him to say what he had said earlier.

When she asked, Jason looked at Judy, then at me, and held his arms. His little paws reached for me, and I couldn't help but smile as I gathered him up into my arms.

"Well, I guess he'll have to show me some other time." I mused as Jason settled into my arms. He put his head against my shoulder, and then I heard his little voice say his first full word.

"Daddy." He stated plainly, and Judy grinned at me, an expression that I happily returned. I had never thought that word could have been appealing to me, but hearing my son say it just made my heart soar.

It wasn't long after that until Jason was walking. I may have been right about not worrying while he was crawling, but when Judy was concerned with him walking I couldn't have agreed more. For the longest time we would walk around either next to or behind him, making sure that he wouldn't go far if he fell. 

Being my son, Jason quickly discovered the source of the sweet vegetables that he loved. Judy tended to keep them in a small container inside the fridge, always ready for Jason's next meal, which were rarely in time with our own. That was partially our own fault though, what with our work schedule. 

So, having discovered his favorite food, and where to easily attain it, Jason would often totter off while I was preoccupied with something else, and return with orange mush on his face and fingers, smeared in his silver fur. When I would catch him, his violet eyes would shoot to the floor and he would apologize. I would laugh, and tell him that he just couldn't tell Judy that I was letting him have that stuff whenever he wanted. It became our little secret. 

All in all, things were pretty great during Jason's first year. The worst thing we had to deal with was when he got a cold, but that wasn't even much of an issue, just a matter of getting him the right medicines and such. 

Jason and Judy shared the center of my life. They were like yin and yang, just without the bad, sharing equal parts of my life.


	7. That First Night

After a year of being basically confined in our apartment, or at work, Judy and I decided that we could trust a sitter with Jason. It didn't take us long to decide who we would let watch him, either. I had initially been somewhat concerned about Clawhauser doing it, what with his general nature, but he assured us that Jason was in good hands. I assured him in kind that I would be calling throughout the night.

So, what were Judy and I to do on our first free night in a year? Well, first things first, we went to a bar. The crazy thing about our work schedule is that it left very little room for alcohol, and so I had begun to miss my bottled friend after a year of absence. 

I remember that the bar was a lot louder than we had expected it to be, packed with a bunch of guys who had probably just gotten off work. They were slinging mugs of beer around, grinning and laughing like fools as Judy and I went behind them to take a seat at a booth.

"It feels so weird to be alone again."   
Judy commented as I scratched absent mindedly at an unidentifiable stain on the surface of the wooden table. 

"Sure does." I agreed while we waited for our drinks to be brought to us. "But it's kinda nice, not having to check over my shoulder every other second to make sure that Jason isn't wandering off." Judy smiled to herself before she replied.

"I kinda thought he only did that to me. I figured he would be a perfect angel for his daddy."

"He is an angel, just one who happens to wander away when I'm not looking every once in awhile." I replied with a smirk. A moment later, one of the bar workers set two glasses in front of Judy and I. Mine was a double shot, rum and cola. Judy had ordered a gin and tonic. I would've gone for the straight stuff had I not been the one driving that night. 

While we sat in that bar and drank together it almost felt like the first time that we had ever done it. After a year, I could see how it got that way. I had actually forgotten how well Judy could handle her alcohol for someone of her size. That fact led to us both drinking a little bit more than we had initially intended, which wasn't a bad thing in and of itself. I was still steady enough to drive by the end of our drinking. 

After we were done with the drinks, Judy didn't want to head home. She said that she wanted to go to the rainforest district first, hang around in the treetops for a little while, take a bit of a walk. When I checked my phone, I saw that we still had almost two hours until we were supposed to be home, so I agreed.

Like I said, I was still sober enough to drive. Did that mean that it wasn't more difficult than usual? No, it was actually kind of hard to keep my eyes from straying with my head swimming like it was. Despite that fact, I managed to get us to the rainforest district without issue. On the way there, Judy had decided that she wanted to go on the cable car, which would pretty much take the rest of our time to make a circuit on. I didn't care though, I knew why she wanted to go there. It was kind of our memory spot. Our first one, anyway. 

So, we found ourselves hovering over the mostly empty streets of the rainforest district, and then swinging around until we skimmed the outskirts of city center. From here, we could see the lights of the various buildings illuminating the sky, casting a faint glow up into the night like a false sun.

"It's so beautiful." Judy whispered from where she sat, curled up into my side on the seat. Being my cheesy self, I said it wasn't nearly as beautiful when compared to her. That earned me a punch to the arm that sent a chuckle rising in my throat.

Unfortunately, our time away couldn't last as far as we would've liked. When we got back to the station we had boarded on, I held the door open so Judy could step off onto the platform. Once she was on solid ground, I stepped off. The walk back to the car was silent, but the happy kind of silence where you knew nothing needed to be said. 

When we got back to the car, I helped Judy up into the passenger seat before getting in on my own side, starting the car and heading towards home. Within a few minutes, I noted that Judy had dozed off in the passenger seat. This fact made me smile to myself, it seemed that she could never stay awake when I was driving. Maybe that's why she always drove the cruiser during our shifts together, back when we had first started as partners.

Now, I would like to say that I hate Murphy's Law. Judy and I's night had been perfect, more or less, and there was a lot that could've gone wrong. Would you believe me if I told you that, minutes before things did go wrong, I imagined they would?

It wasn't a sequence of events, or a lot of little things. No, it was one big fuck up. It was me going through an intersection, a blur as the world flipped on its head, and then a silence that I swore meant the world had ended.

All I could see in that first moment was a strange display of red and blue lights being thrown through shards of glass, casting reflections over the entire scene. The only sound was the sirens, along with some faint voices. I did my best to speak, but found I was hardly able to. I managed to whisper Judy's name, to no response. 

I tried, again and again, to get Judy to respond to me. When I looked to my right I could see her, though she was blurry to me. At one point, I started screaming her name, to no avail.

Had I noticed that her chest wasn't moving, I don't know if I would've screamed more or less. Maybe it wouldn't have been her name, maybe it would have just been a cry of agony. But I didn't notice, I didn't realize what was wrong until after I had been pulled from the wreckage, and I saw that they had Judy lying on the side of the road. I saw the look on the EMT's eyes, and I knew.

My world had been shattered.


	8. Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of content today, been busy with school. I'm still going to upload daily until I finish, but I might just wrap this up this weekend.

Have you ever forgotten an event when you woke up? Like, for a brief moment when you open your eyes, everything isn't wrong. For a golden moment, everything is like it's supposed to be. Then, reality just has to come and destroy the illusion, doesn't it.

That happened to me, over and over again. Even after the funeral, even after Judy's things had been taken out of the apartment, it still happened. I would wake up and reach across the bed to where she always slept, only for my paw to find nothing. My fist would clench the cold sheets as reality set in, time after time.

After that initial dose of reality, my next struggle was actually getting up. Pushing myself out of that bed, just to get on my feet, most days it felt like I had lead blocks attached to every one of my limbs.

Even when I managed to get up, it felt like someone had dropped a boulder on my shoulders, the way everything was so difficult to do. Walking, moving, it all took so much energy that I don't know how I managed to continue doing work with the SWAT team.

Not even being around my son helped. I smiled, I told him I loved him, and I meant it, but there was always that empty feeling in my chest. The pain wasn't even like a punch, that kind of pain I could've handled. No, this was like someone had dug into my chest and just tore my heart out from its roots. 

I don't know if Jason could tell how I felt, but he never indicated that he could. At least there was that. He didn't understand that Judy was dead, I had told him that mommy had gone to live with the Angels. To him, that had been good enough. 

Unlike my son, everyone else saw the pain that I was feeling. Bogo offered multiple times to give me time off so that I could spend time with Jason and figure things out. I declined. I didn't want to abandon my job because of my feelings. Jason was doing well with Judy's parents watching him, so that wasn't a concern, either. 

For awhile, I was able to get by just doing my best to live. I was able to work, able to spend time with Jason when I got home. I was at least able to carry on a semblance of my life.

During that time, however, I would wake up with a hangover most days. Stray bottles littered what had once been Judy and I's room. Along with that an ashtray was overflowing with spent buds, especially when my second habit got more excessive after a few months.

Still, I was able to keep this out of Jason's view. Even when he would wake up in the middle of the night, I would manage to put myself together long enough to help him get back to sleep. My room was off limits, though. I didn't want him to see the bottles and cigarettes.

The one good thing was that Jason didn't remember Judy after a few years. He remembered things about her, but he didn't remember everything, and I knew that he would forget the pain that he had felt when she had left us.

No, not left us. Judy would have never left us. Stolen, that was a better word. Stolen by a thief that I couldn't arrest.

So, for three years, I would spend my nights at home in my bed, drinking burning liquid while I sucked on smoldering sticks. Every once in awhile, I would glance at the wedding picture that I kept on the nightstand, though more often than not it would still be too painful to bare.

It wasn't until Jason was four that Bogo sat me down in his office, in the middle of my smoke break, might I add. His eyes bore into me, but I sat calmly despite the want for nicotine that was ravaging my brain.

"Nick, I think it's time that you and I both be honest with each other. You are not okay." I went to protest, but Bogo held up a paw to ask that I not cut him off.

"I know that what happened was hard on you. It was hard on a lot of us, but you are not handling it how you should be. I know you miss her, and I miss her too, but you have a son to take care of. How long do you think you can just drop him off with Judy's parents and drink yourself to death?" 

"How do you know about what I do?" 

"You said a lot when you were drunk with Clawhauser the other day." Fuck. I knew I had said a lot to the cheetah, but I hadn't known the full extent of what I had said.

"Nick, I'm asking you not only as your superior officer, but as your friend. I want you to go and see a medical professional, and stop drinking and smoking. Smoking at least, we're afraid that it's going to mess with Jason's health." Say what you'd like about Bogo, but the man knew how to play me like a goddamn fiddle. He knew that anything that threatened Jason was instantly out of the question. So, despite the nicotine craving, I pulled the pack of cigarettes out of my pocket and tossed it across the desk to him.

"I'm not going to a shrink." I said as I stood up from the chair. "I will take care of this myself, but I will stop smoking." With that, I stormed out of Bogo's office.

I shouldn't have been offended, but my mood was much worse than it had been awhile ago. I was almost angry that Bogo had brought my son into this, but he was right. I needed to figure this out.

I just didn't know how to do it.


	9. Hey Judy

"Hey Judy," I started, then stopped. I bit my lip, wondering what I could say, but no words came to mind. Nothing sensible anyway, it was all more or less just rambling. I felt like I needed to say something though. It's not like the pale grey stone in front of me could hold a conversation. 

"I.....I know that I haven't been out here nearly enough, especially in the last couple of years. It's been rough." I paused on that. Rough didn't even begin to sum it all up, rough was how it had been before I'd gotten myself addicted to nicotine and burning liquor. Rough was before I'd barely been able to care for Jason.

"Without you here....I don't know. The world just feels wrong. It doesn't even feel like it did when I was alone growing up, it's like someone has just sucked all the color out of everything. Like one of those old movies, y'know? Somehow everything seems less lively....even Jason." Tears welled up in my eyes when I thought about my son, who was currently with Judy's parents on the farm, a little ways away from where I was sitting. 

"He's just like you." I managed to say as I felt the beginning of the sobs that would wrack me to my core. 

"He's so smart, and so damn determined. He told me that he wants to be a cop the other day Judy. He said he wants to be like me, and like you." I eked out before the first of the sobs hit, causing me to put my head in my hands as I rested my elbows on my knees.

"If I hadn't been so stupid, maybe you could have been here to show him what it means to be a good cop. All I can show him is how to be a fuck up.....I'm lost without you Judy." 

That was something I hadn't said, not in all the times that I had come to ask forgiveness from the stone in front of me. I had always tried decently to act like I had a semblance of direction in my life, act like I knew what I needed to do next.

I couldn't do that anymore. It was nothing more than a lie I could barely eek out through gritted teeth, and it left my heart hurting to know that I lied to her. 

"I gave the last of my cigarettes to Bogo a few weeks ago." I whispered, wanting to continue telling the truth now that I ha started. "But that didn't help. I just drink more now....and Jason saw me drunk the other day. I didn't even go to sleep that night, and Jason came in because he had to go to school. I was supposed to take him, I always took him. I promised that I would always drop him off with my uniform, because that made him feel cool. I didn't want to hear it then, though....." I sighed. 

"I didn't do anything regretful, thankfully, but I think I hurt Jason's feelings by not taking him to school in my uniform. When he got out of the car, he looked at me like I wasn't his dad, and that hurt, Judy." Another pause. "I stopped drinking after that night, or at least, I've tried to. It's hard, a lot harder than I had expected, maybe it would be easier if you were here....a lot of things would be easier with you here."

I wanted to say more, maybe something more optimistic, but I couldn't. I could just sit here and wallow in my own self pity. 

"Dad?" I heard a small voice ask from behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Jason standing there with Judy's parents flanking him on either side. I could tell that Bonnie could see the question I was about to ask, and she answered it.

"We think it's time that he sees his mother, Nick.....it's been too long." She said this in a gentle tone, as though it were just a suggestion, but I could feel the underlying command. 

With a hint of a smile cast toward my son, I wiped the tears away that had been lingering in my eyes. Once they were clear, I extended my hand to my son, who walked over slowly, his violet eyes slowly looking from me to the stone in front of me. 

"Where's mom?" Jason asked as he moved to sit on my knee, as he often did. Once he was seated, I put an arm around my son in a sort of hug before answering him.

"She's right in front of you buddy." I told him, and Jason looked at the stone with utmost confusion. 

"Mom is a rock?" He questioned and I managed to chuckle, just slightly.

"No, your mom is not a rock. What have I always told you about her?" Jason's small eyes darted to me, then back to the rock.

"You said she went to live with the Angels, but there aren't any angels here." He asserted, and I nodded in agreement.

"Well, the Angels can't come where we are Jason, they have their own special place to live. Your mom can hear you though, if you talk to her."

"Really?" Jason asked as he gave me a dubious glance. I had to smile at that, the kid was smart. As smart as Judy was, that's for sure.

"Yeah." I assured him, and then Jason turned back to Judy's grave. He gave a sort of nervous wiggle in my lap, and then started talking to Judy. 

He told her about how he missed her, and about how he wanted to see her again someday, if that was possible. Then, he started talking about school, telling his Mom how he was learning how to read a lot faster than the other kids. I was proud of him for that one. 

Then he told Judy that when he grows up, he wants to be a cop just like she was. He said that he wanted to make sure that people were safe.

"I want to make you proud." He said to the stone, and I smiled down at him.

"I know your Mom is proud of you." I said quietly as I held him. "So very proud of who you've grown up to be." When I said that, Jason looked up at me, diverting his attention away from the grave momentarily.

"Are you proud of me?" He questioned. 

"Jason, I couldn't be more proud of you. I don't care if you decide to become a cop, or a hustler, I will always be proud of you no matter what." Jason seemed happy with that answer.

He said goodbye to Judy, and then hopped off of my lap. 

"Can we come back and talk to mom again soon, Dad?" Jason asked as I stood up. 

"Of course," I replied, "as often as you want."

On the way home that night, I felt like something has changed. Maybe it was letting everything spill to Judy, maybe it was telling Jason I loved him, I don't know. I just felt like things were taking a turn for the better.


	10. Officer Wilde

I wish I could've said that I was on the same SWAT team as Jason when he made it there. That would've been nice, hell that probably would've been fun but it wasn't true. By that point in my career, I was actually the chief of police, believe it or not. 

I had been at Jason's graduation of course, saw get his badge, but nothing compared to seeing him walk into the bullpen on his first day.

Despite being born pretty small, Jason was actually taller than me when he graduated from the academy. He looked like a good cop, and a damn fine fox. 

When he sat down in the bullpen I smiled at him, and he shot one back at me. If it hadn't been for Judy's eyes and fur, I would say that he was the spitting image of me when I had first walked into this room.

"Right, we don't have much on the docket today. There's a festival coming up so we need to get all of the streets for that cleared off, and make sure that all of the security cameras and such are working there. Besides that, all we really have to work on today is that a burglary was reported last night. I'll be sending our new officer out, along with two of the more experienced officers." I heard a murmur go through the crowd of officers, some jokes, other comments. I didn't really care either way.

"Right, you all know where you need to be going, so go ahead and get to your stations." All of the officers assembled stood and walked out of the room, heading toward their various stations, while Jason headed out with DelGato and Higgins. 

When everyone was gone, I walked back to my office alone. It still felt weird to not see Bogo sitting here, but he had retired a few years ago. That was when I had taken the position. 

On the walls were pictures of Jason as he had grown up. His high school and academy graduation pictures were grouped together, while pictures from various other times in his life were scattered about in a seemingly random fashion. There were also pictures of me and my old SWAT team scattered in there.

My favorite picture was on my desk, though. It was a picture from the day that Jason had been born, one that Judy's parents had taken without my knowledge. Now, I sat down and picked up that picture, smiling to myself. 

Judy smiled at the camera in this picture while I looked down at Jason. Judy's violet eyes were vividly vibrant, while mine were half closed, still filled with wonder that I was staring at my own child. 

"I still wish you could be here today." I muttered as I ran my finger over the glass of the picture.

"I know you'd be proud."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you'll notice, this story is now marked as part of a series. I should be uploading the next part in a few days, should be called Grey Fox or something along those lines.


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